My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear became a sort of reality today for me and Mav. I am scared to death of him running out of the building at school and that is what he did. Mav said his goodbyes to Mrs M and Mrs W and then Mrs M again she asked if he was gonna go outside and play today and I think the thought stuck with him because when we were going out of the class a grandma came to pick up another child I had Mav's backpack and was carrying Avery when as the granny was coming in I was left with shutting the door and that is when it happened me trying to multitask and didn't have a firm grip on Mav's hand he bolted and was on a dead run for the doors and guess what they were open yep propped open and they are not suppose to be open they are suppose to be shut and locked after 8 am when students are in the buildings. Scared to death I was on a run with A in my arms down the halls he got out the doors and to a swing I caught him but just as I got his arm he was thinking of running further. It scared the holy crap out of me so I took him back to the room and asked Mrs M to come out to talk I broke down had a mini panic attack crying couldn't catch my breath heart racing shaking the whole bit I was scared what if's kept running through my head.Thank goodness Mrs. M understands my fear we have talked about this many times she said she would talk to the principal/office to let them know and would find out who had the door propped open because the staff has been told that the doors are to be shut. mav's running has been my biggest fear everyday when i drop him off I get that yuck feeling in my tummy thinking could today be the day I get that call that something has happened God I hope not but it is a reality children with Autism are runners (most are) and since most have no sense of danger and alot of children on the spectrum are non verbal so there are no screams for help or I'm over here the worst can happen. I can remember getting an email last year asking for prayers for a family whose child with Autism wandered off and was lost I got an email a week later telling me what happened and that yes they had found the little boy but not soon enough I will never forget that family or the email. I am having some problems getting the safety issue through to the school big wigs for next years school year since Mav is changing classes I feel like I am running into a brick wall head first it's like they just don't understand since it's not their child and they don't have to live with the worries of Autism everyday.I actually called after the incident today thinking maybe there would possibly be something in place for next year since I have been asking for something since our IEP in the beginning of March well nope there isn't know what I heard "hopefully we'll have something this summer I will let you know when we do" It's almost like something really bad has to happen before something will be done.I actually felt worse after making the call I feel like crap a bad mom maybe I'm not doing this right I don't know. I just want my child to be safe that is all. I felt better after chatting with my mom and Louis they told me we'll do what we have to do and our little man will be safe and not to let anyone especially the person I talked to on the phone make me feel worse or that I'm not doing this right cause I am look at Mav. Then this became a thought in my head :I am a pain in alot of peoples butt because of the safety issues when it comes to Mav all I can tell them is get use to this hemorrhoid she ain't going nowhere because I will not let my son become an Autism wanderer/runner statistic. We are looking into more safety devices to use here at home and when we go places we are really interested in purchasing a unit that we have been researching for the last few weeks it has a tracking device with GPS in it. Hopefully we will be able to get it mid-late May my mom has offered to help us get it. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

Good news!! Mav's Dr called tonight to let us know that Mav's blood work came back and he doesn't have Diabetes. Thank goodness that made me happy! Mav did have a good day at school today before the incident above he was chatting up a storm Mrs. M said. Today was the big rally at the capitol of Michigan for the Autism Insurance Bill I really wanted to go but after discussing it with Louis lastnight he didn't think it was a good idea to go by myself and I had everyday life here to hold down Teagan and Mav both in school and needing pick up and it's hard to get a babysitter that can do all that with the 3 monsters so I said ok. I tried to help by contacting the rep from Hastings which didn't do much good he is another that I don't think really understands Autism but hopefully the other reps and big shots up in Lansing will and the voices of Autism will be heard and the big shots will sign the bill and do something to help all those affected by Autism.
Long post thanks for reading and I promise tomorrow will be a cheery post.

PS: Mrs. M thanks for letting me cry and helping me in the hall @ school today.